#Good "#Griefing" ?

Often used humorously, when someone pretends that a situation is more serious than it really is.  Oh Man, Oh My Gosh, Oh Lord, Wow and Come On, are commonly used euphemisms.

Definition by: Wordwizard:

good grief!

by Ken Greenwald » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:38 pm

Dear Legal, Don’t mind Wiz. He can’t help himself – he just has this thing (Good brief!) for men’s underwear. (<)

Mild or minced oaths such as GOOD GRIEF!, for an expression of surprise or horror, follow the Hebraic and Middle English tradition of avoiding the use of sacred words, such as God, by substituting words with the same initial letter. Thus for GOD these oaths substitute such words as George, ginger, Godfrey, golly, gosh, gracious, gravy, grief, etc., and By God! becomes By George!, Good God! becomes Good gosh!, Good gracious! Good gravy!, Good Grief!. There are similar such substitutions for Christ (e.g. cracky, cricky, criminy, cripes), JESUS (e.g. gee, gemini, Jeez, jeepers), LORD (e.g. land, law) and so on for DAMN, HELL, etc.

GOOD GRIEF first appeared in print in 1900, but it became especially popular since the late 1950s from its frequent use by Charlie Brown (1950), one of the characters in Charles M. Schulz’s comic strip, Peanuts. I would say that the expression was originally British since its first appearance was in Joseph Wright's historic English Dialect Dictionary (EDD) (see 1900 quote below) published in 6 Volumes from 1898 to 1905. Wright was Professor of Comparative Philology at Oxford University with a special interest in British dialects.

Now that I've given you definitions and examples using "Good Grief", here is my definition:  Grieving to come to a Good ending, so I guess it should be "Good Griefing" (Just love making up a new word) !!  Most of us have experienced the loss of a loved one, friend, acquaintance or a pet and have grieved.   The "Grieving" process is different for every one and lasts different periods of time.

My first loss was my cousin, who was my best buddy.  I was nineteen at the time and he was fifteen.  I suffered panic and anxiety attacks for years afterwards, until I was about 25.  They reappeared in my early 30's and lasted several more years.  I lost my daddy when I was 28 and my mother and my grandmother when I was 35 within three months of each other.  I have also experienced the loss of my father-in-law and my mother-in-law.  Panic and anxiety attacks can be triggered by a traumatic experience and sometimes, in my case, the culprit was also a thyroid problem.  In any event, I have been grieving for many years of my adult life.

When I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at age 55, I felt much the same way I felt when I lost a family member, although I did not realize what was happening.  It wasn't until a couple of months ago (I'm now 62) that it dawned on me that I was grieving the loss of the life I had.  Not being able to do the simple things I used to do.  Feeling like no one calls because I can't participate in the fun things anymore and I feel like people treat me differently.

Then the loneliness creeps in.  I feel totally left out of adventures because they either don't want to bother with me or I am embarrassed that I can't keep up.  So no one asks me to go anywhere anymore.  It's so very hard for me because in my mind's eye, I'm fine, but physically I know I can't accomplish what I used to.  I am still the same person to me, I still like to laugh and be with friends, but I feel like they aren't there anymore.

I apologize to my family all the time because I can't get going first thing in the morning, or I can't lift that pot into the oven, or I can't get the lid off the pickle jar, or bend over to pick something up, or turn that light bulb, or grab the load of clothes from the dryer, or I have to rest, or vacuum the whole house or walk quickly up those steps.  And those things are worth grieving about after someone has lost the ability to accomplishment menial tasks.  Other people don't think of it that way, but I am grieving. 

This grieving process is so very hard.  I can be happy one minute and the next I am drowning in a pool of tears.

Photo I took in New Orleans

Grief

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Bereavement" redirects here. For the film, see Bereavement (film).

For other uses, see Grief (disambiguation) and Griefing.

A family mourns during a funeral at the Lion's cemetery during the Siege of Sarajevo in 1992.

Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away.^[1] Grief is also a reaction to any loss. The grief associated with death is familiar to most people, but individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives, such as unemployment, ill health or the end of a relationship.^[2] Loss can be categorized as either physical or abstract,^[3] the physical loss being related to something that the individual can touch or measure, such as losing a spouse through death, while other types of loss are abstract, and relate to aspects of a person’s social interactions.^[4]



As shown in the definition of "grief" from Wikipedia, we can grieve, not only for the loss of a loved one, but losses related to our physical being.  It is just as powerful as grieving after losing a loved  one dies and in some cases harder to shake.

 One of the things I am trying to do to alleviate this loss, is delve into my hobbies.  In my case, crocheting has helped and I am trying new techniques and stitches.  Watching how-to videos, reading new patterns and stitches has helped me a lot.  I guess it makes one feel better and have a feeling of accomplishment especially because I am grieving the loss of physical activity.  I also believe depression and grief go hand in hand. 

Here is an article I found today on my news feed on Facebook.   Touches on the grieving process for people suffering from chronic diseases...a must read.

psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201405/3-things-the-chronically-ill-wish-their-loved-ones-knew

Photo I took - St. Louis Cathedral - NOLA

Photo I took - cross atop St. Louis Cathedral - NOLA

Grief is work but one cannot stop the process.  You must continue until you come to a good place and accept the worst and enjoy the best.  I'm just beginning my journey in handling my grief.  At least I realized what has been happening and hopefully, with a little fortitude and my will to conquer this problem, I can trudge forward and let myself go through the "Good Griefing" process.  Life is still good !  Just uncovered an old Art Journal and think I will continue it as a Gratitude Journal.  I enjoyed art journaling and it made me draw, paint and write a little each day which makes me happy.  So hopefully turning it into a Gratitude Journal will bring positive thoughts and a brighter outlook to each day.

Found this article on beginning a Gratitude Journal....it's a keeper !

Turn Pain to Joy: 11 Tips for a Powerful Gratitude Journal

By Louise Jensen 

here's the link:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/turn-pain-to-joy-11-tips-for-a-powerful-gratitude-journal/

"Stella" one of the many things for which I'm grateful !

Back on the "Gratitude" Band Wagon and Tunisian Crochet

 Here is a link to The Secret website:

http://thesecret.tv/

Some of my favorite "Gratitude" Quotes

Everyone talks about gratitude but when you wake up in the morning with #Rheumatoid Arthritis, the first thing that comes to mind is not how grateful I am to have this disease but,  how do these joints feel today and will I be able to get up and maneuver through the day?

On top of this, try depression, going through a really bad time right now.  Really hard to carry on like I'm OK because I'm not.  I've started reading the daily posts from "The Secret" and it really helps with the negativity I have experienced of late.  Read the book and subscribe by email.  Seems every little bit helps when dealing with pain, depression and a chronic illness.

Sugar cookies- RA (rheumatoid arthritis) Sucks! May is Arthritis Awareness month.

Pinned from

cupcakeandthecity.com

 Learning Tunisian Crochet

My first Tunisian Crochet attempt !

On to better topics, I am embarking on another Tunisian Crochet stitch.  I just learned one a couple of weeks ago and it is great.  Have found some good videos on the subject and thought I would share a new stitch.

This video by Kim Guzman is of the foundation stitch which is used to begin Tunisian Crochet.

youtube.com/watch?v=H_6CRJJLltQ&list=PLoH3zXZBXpSNeMMlWqQNQJyH07Z40U54f&index=2

And here is her blog with all her how-to videos.  They are very helpful and easy to follow, great teacher.

kimguzman.com/blog/tunisian-crochet-its-time-to-learn/

Some of my favorite, reasonably priced, yarns are Caron Simply Soft.  It is sold by the skein, 315 yards, no dye lot, medium4, 100% acrylic and machine washable.   Is available on line from Ebay and other yarn distributors and also Wal-mart (link below)

walmart.com/ip/Caron-Simply-Soft-Yarn/21267540

and another site for yarn:  yarnspirations.com/yarns/simply-soft

The yarn I used on the pictured scarf above is by Cascade Yarns, called Cherub Aran, 240 yards, 55% Nylon/45% acrylic.  It is soft and luscious and easy to work.  I purchased it at our local yarn shop and thought you might like taking a look at their website:

http://yarnhousestudio.tumblr.com/

Yarnhouse Studio is so cute so I have to post a photo.  Planning on stopping by soon although I always get in trouble !

Yarnhouse Studio, Opelika, Al

Ready to go again.  Just started this scarf tonight and trying to decide which new stitch to tackle.  Will keep you posted as it progresses.

The Beginning

Go forth and be grateful...

Let's call it like it is ...change #Rheumatoid Arthritis to a not-so-misunderstood name !!!!

"Yoga Garden" by Johnel

 Let's call it like it is ...change #Rheumatoid Arthritis to a not-so-misunderstood name  !!!!

According to Q&A Wiki, the suffix OID , like, resembling, similar to, form.  And here is definition of the prefix "rheum" according to thefreedictionary.com and several other sources, "A watery or thin mucous discharge from the eyes or nose'.   Why in the hell is this disease named Rheumatoid Arthritis?  Rheumatoid Arthritis is an autoimmune (an #autoimmune disorder is a condition that occurs when the immune system mistakenly attacks and destroys healthy body tissue, as defined by the U.S. National Library of Medicine, nlm.nih.gov ) disease that affects every fricking part of your body.

And you ask, don't you have inflammation of one or more of your joints?  Hell yes, but #RA is so much more involved than this simple and misunderstood definition.

I would like for any readers/followers of this blog to turn in a "new" name for this hideous disease and see what we can come up with  !!!

E.g., "Hideous Autoimmune Disease",  "I wish I had inherited Money instead of this Disease", "Roll Your Eyes at me One More Time Disease", "Just Call me Lazy Disease", "Limping Around Disease", "Get Some Exercise, you'll Feel Better Disease", "Yes, if it makes you happy, I have Arthritis Disease", "Just like your Grandmother Had Disease", "What's Wrong with You Disease?", or "I feel like Crap Disease"  !!

I'll let my fellow RA sufferers think of the "Proper" new name !

Trying to understand #Rheumatoid Arthritis for a loved one

This is a good article about the public NOT understanding "#Rheumatoid Arthritis".

the-rheumatologist.org/details/article/1311755/An_Identity_Crisis_for_RA.html

Also, if you have not visited The RA Warrior website, it's a must.  Very informative, helpful and very kind-hearted for those in need of help.

http://rawarrior.com/rheumatoid-awareness-judgmental-eye-rolls-versus-help-compassion/?show=comments#comment-1160090

Quick and Dirty Tips

FYI...another website I use is called Quick and Dirty Tips.   If you have a question regarding grammar (especially all those rules you forgot and now they have changed) this is a great go-to for information and a laugh.  quickanddirtytips.com

A sample search I did on #Quick and Dirty Tips website!

Love it, anything that makes an RA patient laugh while learning and/or refreshing your skills, I'm all for it.

Now I'm ready for a good Banana Pudding Recipe.  This is the tried and true from #Nilla Vanilla Wafer's box.  Hands down, the best !

#Old Fashioned #Banana Pudding

Ingredients

(these ingredients are doubled from original recipe) 
1 C Sugar
2/3 Scant C. flour (Plain)
dash of salt
2 tsp. Vanilla
8 eggs, separated
3 Bananas
Box of #Nilla Vanilla Wafers  (no substitutions)
4 C. Milk (I used skim and it works great)

 
Round Pyrex Bowl
3 T. sugar for Meringue

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In mixing bowl, mix sugar, flour, and salt. In separate bowl, beat egg yolks, then add milk and stir until blended.  Add milk and egg mixture to dry ingredients and stir until well blended (I use a whisk).  Pour mixture into double boiler (as you can see from photo above, I improvised with two pots that fit into each other..fill larger pot with water and bring to boil then place smaller pot inside larger pot of water, voila, homemade double boiler)  stirring constantly (with Whisk) until thickened to pudding consistency.  Remove from heat and stir in Vanilla.

Line bottom of #Pyrex bowl with #vanilla wafers I let them go up the sides of the bowl.  Add a layer of sliced bananas.  Pour 1/2 custard mixture on top and repeat layering to fill bowl.  I get two layers.  Top with Meringue.

#Meringue:  I use a #KitchenAid Mixer...the best #kitchen gadget ever especially for RA patients (Mine is 30 years old) with the whisk attachment.  With eggs yolks at room temperature, turn mixer on high and let it do the work when they begin to tighten and get foamy, add 3 T. of sugar, a little at a time.   When you remove whisk and the egg whites form stiff peaks, you are ready to place on top of banana pudding.  Bake at 350 degrees about 15 to 20 minutes until tips are golden brown.

Let it cool and enjoy.   I love mine cold right out of the fridge !

Don't worry about leftovers, there is never any left!  In case you do have leftovers, here is a little #Kitchen tip, pull off enough plastic wrap to generously cover Meringue and bowl.  Lay the plastic wrap flat on the counter and spray generously with #Pam oven spray.  Place plastic wrap (Pam side on #Meringue) and place in refrigerator.  Plastic wrap won't pull off the Meringue.

If you live in a humid climate and have trouble with "Falling" #Meringue, here is a wonderful recipe called "Never-Fail Meringue:

Remember the recipe above uses 8 egg whites, so you can double this recipe with 6 and be fine
Ingredients:
1 Tbsp. cornstarch
1 Tbsp. water
1/2 c boiling water
3 egg whites (large)
3 Tbsp. sugar
dash of salt

Stir together 1 Tablespoon cornstarch and water.  Stir in 1/2 cup boiling water,  Boil 1 minute, stirring constantly.  Cover and cool.  Beat 3 egg whites and a dash of salt until foamy.  Add 3 Tbsp sugar (one at a time), beating well.  Beat until stiff and stands in peaks.  Beat in cornstarch mixture.  Pile on the pie and/or pudding.  Bake 15 to 20 minutes at 350 degrees until tips are golden.

#Mother's Day, the not-so-perfect Day

The Perfect Mom

Is there a perfect mom?

YES

A June Cleaver?

A Margaret Anderson?

A Donna Reed?

A Jane Jetson

An Olivia Walton?

A Caroline Ingalls?

A Carol Brady?

A Claire Huxtable?

An Elyse Keaton?

A Laura Petrie?

A Marion Cunningham?

Are they real, NO !

Or Not so Perfect Mom to Bad Mom

An Estelle Costanza?

A Joan Crawford?   (Whoa, I’m not that bad)

Nancy Botwin (Weeds)

Roseanne Conner

We truly do believe we CAN be June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable when we think about becoming a mother and when the “Mom” journey begins, it’s all seen through rose-colored glasses. 

You cannot imagine how much love you have for that little bundle of joy.   It wraps around your whole body and soul.   Those first few days you cannot believe how much love you can have for one human being.  The love you feel in those first moments never, ever leaves.  You will always remember the first time you held that baby.  The tiny fingers and toes, the soft baby skin, the chubby cheeks, the sighs, the sweet baby smell, the first smile, the way they wrap that tiny hand around your finger and hold on for dear life.  You also, at that moment, believe and strive to be the “Perfect Mother”.

The moment you arrive home with that precious cargo, you sit and stare in amazement at this strange little creature.   The love explodes inside you and then the feeling hits like a bolt of lightening.   How am I going to do this?  Keep this being alive, safe, sheltered, fed, fix the boo boos, stop the runny nose, keep mean people away.   Already dreading the first day of Kindergarten when you have to wave goodbye and pray they are safe and happy.    You cry all the way home, your chest is heaving, your nose is running and the tears won’t stop.  Of course when they arrive home from their first day, they are full of excitement and joy and they never shed a tear.  They didn’t miss you, they didn’t need you, they laughed, ran, played and were happy as larks!

That is when you realize that the plan you had lost it’s oomph!  The bottom fell out.  The “Plan” is a crock.   Good intentions, that’s how it begins.  But we all know where that gets us. 

When the second baby comes along, all those feelings begin again.  How can you love this new baby as much as the first?  You DO and then comes another.   How can one person love another person so much?   No answer.   You just do.   And now there are three.  Same feelings, same worries, just multiplied by 3. 

Each child is a completely different human being, but all loved with as much intensity as the first.  You learn really quickly that the goals you set before the first new life appeared in your arms are set up for failure.   Life does have a plan, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE ANY CLUE what that plan really is. 

Making peace with chaos is a daily chore from sibling rivalry to what’s for dinner; are the clothes washed; has everyone had a bath; homework done; work; mopping; scraped knees; who did what to whom; who said what to whom; so-and-so can do it, why can’t I; I’ll ask daddy; daddy said it was OK; you are so mean; I hate you; I’m running away; did you get so-and-so a present; did you wrap that present; shut that door; hurry up; get in the car; you’re not wearing that to church; don’t talk to me like that, but, Mom, why?;  no, I won’t wear that; it’s stupid; I’m fat; look at my hair; daddy said I could; don’t tell mama;  you don’t know anything; stop looking at me; don’ touch me; get your gym clothes; get your lunch money; brush your teeth; DID you brush your teeth?;  ball game tonight,; are my baseball pants clean; I have a project in Science…due tomorrow; swim lessons; tennis lessons; Mom, why are you late; I have a date; I wanna go to the Mall; skating; parties; Mom, come get me; football games; driving lessons; driver’s license day; I love him/her; I hate him/her; I’m going to the Valentine’s dance; I’m going to the Prom; don’t drink; can I borrow your car?; High School Graduation; College…watching them pack all their worldly possessions and shoving them in a U-Haul truck, college bound and excited and scared, without me; and as soon as the truck left the driveway, I cried.

Eighteen years was gone in a flash.  What did I do right? What did I do wrong?  I should’ve but I didn’t.  GUILT…it never stops.  In those 18 years the other part of life happens, the illnesses, the deaths of loved ones, the marriages, the hosting parties, the storms, the alcoholism of a family member, the depression that has affected the family; the mourning; career worries; paying bills; all the things that happen behind the doors of every household, the fantasy life never existed.  Let go of the way you thought life would be because if you don’t, it will haunt you every day. Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve...stop it.

But wait, I skipped the teenage years, I guess in some cases, we all wish we could skip those years. Ha  Put it this way, hopefully you have taught them in the first twelve years how to behave, good values, kindness, how to treat other people, what to do and what not to do.   Just hold your breath through the next five years because it's a roller coaster ride including the screaming, the tears, the excitement, the laughter the good times and bad.  But if you make it through, it does get better.   When they hit 18 and move out on their own, they begin to like their parents and they decide you are not as stupid as they once thought and by the time they are 21, you've got a friend. 

Hold on to those good memories, the laughing and fun the family had.   Let go of the past, because you can’t change it and dwelling on it only makes today awful.  You can learn from your mistakes but changing them, NO.  What’s done is done.

In today’s world, it’s let’s blame the parents.  I can blame my parents for a lot of things.   Making me a Scaredy Cat for one.  I can’t swim because my mother was scared and never let me go swimming like everyone else.  I fixed that…I did make sure my kids could swim. 

I have to say that every time they left the house whether it was to ride a bicycle, play a game or play with friends, I was always worried that something would happen to them.  I watched other mothers who seemed to not give a damn and let their kids run wild and those kids never got hurt.  Why couldn’t I be happy-go-lucky? 

I always said that our kids would have a college education because I started and never finished and still regret it to this day. Sure, I blame my parents for not pushing me.  My kids did it.  It wasn’t easy for them, but they worked hard and on their own.  They can be proud of themselves forever and give themselves full credit for that endeavor.

My childhood was spent in the 1950’s and 60’s. The “June Cleaver” era.  Also, I was an only child.  I never understood sibling rivalry.  I prayed for a brother or sister all the time.  I would get so upset when my kids would argue or hit each other.  I had a lonely childhood for the most part.  My mother was the “June Cleaver” type.  House was so clean you could eat from the floors, nothing out of place, good cook, good friend to a lot of people, pretty, always did the “right” thing, worked hard teaching school for 40 years and always proper, the Southern lady. 

My cousins added a bright edge to the loneliness.  My household was quiet and I longed for the times I went to my Aunt’s house because it was a fun place.  She had a maid, so not too much house work for her, she loved gardening, drinking coffee, laughing, taking rides in the country and was very happy-go-lucky and laid back.  My husband always said that I was half my mother and half my aunt and that’s what caused my conflict.  My mother would finish the housework before having fun and my aunt would go have fun and worry about the housework later.  I would go have fun and feel guilty about the housework the whole time!  Guess he was right in his analogy.

My family was not a hugging, snugly or outwardly affectionate family, but somehow I always knew I was loved.  I was never told I did a good job, it was expected.  I generally felt like a failure.  I hope that my children felt loved because they were and are loved deeply. 

All said and done, I was NEVER a perfect mother and they turned out great.   They all have a wicked sense of humor.  I guess they had to laugh to survive.  My husband is a wonderful man and adds a calming force to my not-so-calm being.  He was always there for the kids and loves them so.   I was the nervous type…always worried about everything.  The outer self painted a laid-back face. I was far from laid back.  I had panic and anxiety attacks that kept me from participating in a lot of fun activities.  NOT AN EXCUSE, just fact. If you’ve not been afflicted with this disease, then keep your opinions to yourself because you don’t and won’t get it.

Always wished I could be Olivia Walton and be the kind, sympathetic, loving, always there, cooking, saying the right thing, cleaning, non-judgmental, perfect mom.  Nope, that didn’t happen.  But all in all, life has been good to me.   That's kind of a lie, my cousin and dearest friend died when I was 19 and he was 15, my daddy died when I was 28, my mother and grandmother died when I was 35, my husband suffered with alcoholism, he gave up his career, we lost everything, have a child who suffered with drug abuse, lost my mother and father-in-law, was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I was hit by a truck while crossing the street just to name a few of the not-so-great life experiences.  There are many things I would change but I would never change having the wonderful kids I have.  I love them with all my heart and soul and wish them a better, healthier, happier life.

I guess I've given myself a bad rap because I have some pretty great kids.  Pretty, handsome, accomplished, bright, witty and all around fabulous. That’s the short version of my failures and successes as being a mother.  At aged 62, I’m still here.  The only advice I have is, “cherish the good times and make some good memories to cover up the bad” !!

Happy Mother's Day to those all Not-So-Perfect Moms and the ones who think they are!!  AND, most of all, call your mama because someday she won't be there !  I miss my mama every single day!!!!

Mama and Me

Mama