Friends needed ? Get a Movie !

This was written several months ago, but I decided to publish it anyway.  Feeling much better now but still wanted  to share some of my favorite movies.  I truly do believe that a good movie can be most gratifying no matter your state of mind.

Since I was hospitalized the first time in September, 2014, I have been a home body, recluse, invalid, self-pitying imbecile, pathetic excuse for a person and other descriptive adjectives that make up a complex lump of lard disguising myself as a couch potato.

My new friends consist of The Kardashians, The Jenners, all the housewives of New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Orange County, Melbourne and New York City and let's not leave out The Royals and The Ladies of London or Arranged and last but not least, Below Deck when it comes to trashy programming.  Sorry, but the other housewife shows are even too trashy for me and I can't stomach watching them.

Of course, all of my closest friends Lauren Bacall, Katharine Hepburn, Elvis, Cher, Gene Tierney, Maggie Smith, Robert Young, Bogie, Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Kate Capshaw, Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, Walter Pidgeon, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Alfre Woodard, Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward, Sally Field, Greer Garson, Grace Kelly, Jimmy Stewart, Judi Dench, Anthony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin, Liz Taylor, Richard Burton, Montgomery Clift, Jane Fonda, Spencer Tracey, Henry Fonda, Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Bette Davis, Olivia deHavilland, , Juliette Binoche, Johnny Depp, Aaron Eckhart, Diane Lane, John Kusack, Anne Hathaway, Whoopi Goldberg, Lana Turner, Mary Steenburgen, Sandra Bullock, Shirley MacLaine, Olympia Dukakis, Vivien Leigh, Clark Gable, Hattie McDaniel, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, Jack Nicholson, Dennis Quaid, Steve Martin, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ashley Judd, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Lange, Michael Douglas, Maureen O'Hara, Robin Williams, Brad Pitt, Angelina, Jolie, Cate Blanchett, Gregory Peck, Anne Bancroft, Cary Grant, Robert Mitchum, John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe, Kathleen Turner, Lee Rimick, Ryan O'Neal, Candace Bergen, Doris Day, , Rock Hudson, Al Pacino, Audrey Hepburn, Rita Hayworth, Gene Kelly, Ann-Margret, Myrna Loy, Joan Crawford, Claudette Colbert, Joseph Cotten, Ida Lupino, Jane Wyman, Barbara Stanwyck, Ginger Rogers, Lucille Ball, Mary Astor, Cicely Tyson, Sydney Poitier, Nicolas Cage, Janet Leigh, Angela Bassett, Richard Gere, Loretta Young, Robert Duvall, Omar Sharif, Robert Wagner, Natalie Wood, Shelly Winters, Faye Dunaway, James Mason, Sean Connery, Kathy Bates, Kevin Kline, Keanu Reeves, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Vincent Price, Stanley Tucci, Sam Elliott, Winona Ryder, Sissy Spacek, tend to keep me company at all times.

Really good, old friends are my movies.   How I love movies, some refer to as films, but in my world they are simply movies and movie stars.  Movie stars, those friends we have had for years.  We began
our friendships with movie stars on Saturday mornings at the local movie theater.   Watching these
glorious people glide across the screen in a gorgeous gown designed by Edith Head or Walter Plunkett transported us into worlds that seemed a million miles away. The beautiful set decorations of fabulous artwork, lavish lamps, plush furnishings, floor to ceiling windows, exotic woodwork, grandiose upholstery smokey bars, jeweled cigarette holders, and mood lighting cannot be duplicated today.

For a person dealing with depression, these movies are a relaxing, glorious way to bring solace and comfort into my life.

I began making a list as I watched movies.  I didn't make a note of the movie if I hated it, so take your pick and enjoy.

JOHNEL'S MOVIE LIST:

No Way Out, Poitier and Widmark
Passion Fruit, Alfre Woodard
A Walk on the Moon, Diane Lane
It's Complicated, Meryl Streep
Marnie, Sean Connery, Hedren
Life as we Know It, Heigl
Unfaithful, Gere, Lane
Dolores Claiborne, Bates
The Prince of Tides, Barbra Streisand
Sweet November, Theron, Reeves
Friends with Money,Anniston
Mumford, Alfre Woodard
Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood
Crooklyn, Woodard
Two weeks Notice, Bullock, Grant
Everybody's Fine, Dinero
The Bishop's Wife, Grant, Young
Greenfingers, Owen, Mirren
The Breakfast Club, Ringwald
House of Versace, Loren
Cape Fear, Dinero, Lange, Mitchum
Moonstruck, Cher
Mask, Cher
The wishing Tree, Alfre Woodard
Baby Boom, Diane Keaton
Conrack, Jon Voight
Mildred Pierce, Joan Crawford
Raintree County, Clift, Taylor
Mona Lisa Smile, Julia Roberts
Julie and Julia, Streep
An Unfinished Life, Redford, Lopez
No Reservations, Catherine Zeta-Jones
My Girl, Akroid
Mystic Pizza, Roberts
The Horse Whisperer, Redford
Hush, Lange, Paltrow
Bedtime Story, Loretta Young
Unforgiven, Eastwood, Hackman
All Mine to Give, Glynis Johns, 1957, circa 1865 Wisconsin frontier
Don't Bother to Knock, Monroe, Widmark
Remember the Night, Stanwyk

When #Anxiety hits and takes control over your life...

My first experience with panic and anxiety was at the age of 19.   I lost my 16 year old cousin who was my best friend from an aneurysm.   For years I couldn't visit hospitals and I worried about the same thing happening to me and this on top of grief was awful.

The attacks diminished for a period of years from age 25 to early 30's.   The spring and summer of 1987 was the worst and best times of my life.   My mother died in May, my 3rd child was born in August and my grandmother died in September.    So through grief and happiness in November, I was home with the baby and we had a tornado warning, which in Alabama, is not unusual and I have always been extremely terrified of these storms.    Just how scared was I ....if I heard there were Tornadoes in Mississippi, I was already afraid in Alabama a day or two before.  That afternoon before my other two children were home from school, a tree was blown onto our driveway in a severe storm.   Within a few days the panic attacks returned.

I read various articles at that time and I learned that recurring attacks come from association.  I also went to a doctor who actually listened and discovered that I had thyroid issues and finally got relief from major panic attacks.   The association made sense to me because if I had a panic attack in a certain place, IE., restaurant, certain road, hospital and I returned to those places, I would have an attack.

My reason for bringing this up is I have begun with panic and anxiety attacks again, following a stay in the hospital in September 2014 where I experienced seizures.  They ran so many tests and never came up with a reason why this happened.    I fell in the hospital when I had the first seizure and had a compound fracture of T8 and was put in a brace.   That has healed, but the panic is worse.   I'm so afraid this will happen again.    Also, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) which only exacerbates all symptoms.

I don't like to talk on phone anymore, because one of the symptoms I had before seizure happened was speaking problem and my right arm went limp.    So RA symptoms just become hard to realize they are not seizure symptoms.   I cry a lot and hate the fact that my husband and granddaughter have to look after me so much.  I am such a burden.

I get tingling in my arms and fingers and in my tongue and that makes we worry about what is going to happen....is it an RA symptom or seizure.   When I'm alone it is much worse because I am so scared.  

I have isolated myself from my friends because I don't want to burden them and they are all scattered
across the country.   I can't travel to see them and it's hard for them to get away from their families, so
I just wallow in silence and self pity.   I wish I could just go to a coffee shop, take my crocheting or
my ipad and enjoy myself, but I can't.   I am now using a walker and I'm so scared of a seizure, I can't function.

My doctor has prescribed another medication for anxiety and I haven't started taking it yet because I am so scared of how I will react to it.   I am on Ativan now which seems to help some.  He has tried me on a couple meds in the past few months and they made me feel funny so I quit taking them.  I was actually waiting to take this new one after I have an appointment with a Psychologist and finding out if my insurance will pay for it.

All about me...

When you are reading a really good book and you have 3 pages left and you get that glorious feeling for the great ending of the book....then all of a sudden a cringe and a sinking spell...oh no what will I read now?

Life is like reading a good book.   When you experience an incident that you feel is life threatening and you are so scared, it really IS all about me.


Listen to the song of life...Katharine Hepburn

Katharine Hepburn was such a strong woman and it didn't happen to her overnight.  Her parents were her influence, her father a doctor and her mother an early supporter of women's suffrage and Kate discovering her brother's body after he committed suicide. (Her parents denied it was suicide and claimed it was an experiment gone wrong.). She had a long, successful life and seemed to have a wonderful attitude.   Now of course I didn't know the lady, but that's my opinion and I do have a lot of those.

My point to this burst of blubbering is, it IS about ME.   Since my trip to the hospital in September 2014 and hospitalization, I have experienced the worst round of anxiety ever.  I guess because of the nature of having seizures, which I have never had and they scared me so badly, I just can't stop
thinking about having more.

Because of the seizure, I fell in the hospital and had a compression fracture in my back and wore a
brace for two months.  I gained 25 lbs on top of that so I was a total sobbing glob.  My primary care doctor has tried several anti depressants that just made me have the shakes, so I won't take them.  He put me on Ativan and it has helped a lot.  He also sent me to a Psycologist and she has been wonderful.  I still don't get out much, but I'm not using the walker right now and RA is always with me, so I'm still a work in progress.  My Rheumatologist put me on an anti seizure drug and I am scared of taking drugs which really sucks because of all RA mess I take already.

I still cry and feel sorry for myself because I feel like I lost so much of the old me.  Pain and Prednisone don't make a nice person.   Not a good combo, but I have to live with it.  I must say that I have the best husband in the world.  I don't know how he stands me most days, but we still laugh and that counts for a lot.  He definitely has an express pass to Heaven.

Next, kudos to my precious oldest grandchild.  She has lived with us for the last three years and has been a blessing.  Not only is she beautiful inside and out, she has the biggest heart.  She has taken care of me, which I am so grateful to her for and we always laugh.

Now it's Liz's turn.  You are my precious baby girl. You have shown what you are made of in all of life's trials and tribulations and have handled more than your share.  We laugh together, play together, fix everything together, watch all the trash TV shows together, love each other more, get mad together, yell together, cry together, eat together, fuss together, shop together, and create together.  She is pregnant with her first baby and I am so excited.  She will be a terrific mother, much better than I.

This all brings me back to ME.  I want to be there for her and I'm so scared about traveling to Texas.
I mean let's face it, it's hard to leave my house to go to the doctor.  I'm not trying to be funny, this truly scares me and no one can understand.  Seizures are on my mind, although I am better, it is hard work to shuffle those feelings and the weird sensations and pains of daily RA living and very hard to distinguish the difference between the two.  Doctors can't even accomplish that feat.

My trumpet tree in NOLA

All I see are these four walls, except for trips to doctors, watching movies and computer time.  

I will continue this and probably revise it.  I was just trying to get this on paper to help myself.


Revision....now added an anti-seizure drug with Ativan and the seem to be working for me.  Feel better and not crying with every thought.  Day by day anxiously awaiting the birth of my grandson.  I am truly proud of myself because since I began writing this post, I actually travelled to Birmingham for our daughter's baby shower.   To those of you who have never experienced anxiety attacks, this sounds ridiculous, but it is truly real.  I hope my ramblings will help someone who has experienced panic, anxiety or trauma.  It's hard to be alone.

I have been writing this for several months, so pardon the fact that it is choppy, but it helps me to see how much better I am and hopefully will progress in the months to come.

(Nola girl - sold - by: Johnel)

More info on ANXIETY

http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/attacks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder


The right way to begin your day with a chronic illness.

http://fibro.tv/newsblogs/20-how-to-have-a-bad-day-gracefully-and-avoid-guilt-with-chronic-illness

Do you like #COWS?

My favorite photo.  Obviously the timing for the sunset was perfect ! by:  Johnel

Cow Facts and Cow Trivia

 

Are cows as innocent as they seem?

  Clink this link to find out !

http://drbj.hubpages.com/hub/Cow-Facts

by:  Johnel

Why the fascination for taking "cow" photos?    Over the past two years, I just can't get enough of cow faces !

by:  Johnel

Mama and baby, by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

If you are interested CLICK the link below for more cow facts:

http://www.onekind.org/be_inspired/animals_a_z/cattle/

by:  Johnel

Looks mean, but I'm sure is very sweet !   by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

The more cattle photos I take, the more interested I've become in finding the breeds I am photographing. 

Here is a link to help with identification:  http://www.bigpictureagriculture.com/2011/06/thirty-cattle-breeds-described.html

Cute spotted nose !  by:  Johnel

Love the hairdo !  by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

Up close and personal...by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

Tiger Stripe cows from the DCJ Ranch

My favorite ranch to photograph is the DCJ Ranch in Opelika, AL.  It is a beautiful, sprawling ranch with beautiful pastures as far as the eye can see.  http://hereford.org/static/files/0811_DCJstory.pdf

 

Have taken many photos of this breed and finally decided to look it up.  The name of the breed is definitely appropriate for The Auburn University area !!!  Go Tigers  But these cows are beautiful, sleek and shiny and obviously like being photographed !

Awe....by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

"Moo" by Johnel Logan, sold  - My first attempt at cow painting !  Someone liked it !

by:  Johnel

by:  Johnel

Ain't no bull....by:  Johnel

I have to mention my camera.   I love it.    #Canon SX50HS, 50x Optical Zoom.  Makes the closeups much easier and it is lightweight, easy to grab and go for the RA hendered shutterbug!

#CRAFTING...w/ #old fabric and #Magazines, really?

Sewing/Crafting

Painting by Johnel...using old magazines

I know everyone has old issues of magazines and some newspapers lying around.  Perfect for painting.   A little Mod Podge and paint, that's it.

Here's how you begin.  Curl up in front of the TV with a stack of old magazines and just rip strips to your heart's content.

Magazines I have stripped...stay tuned for the progress of this painting project !

Step 1

Step 2

Sewing strips of fabric and/or paper together

Step 3 - in progress..stay tuned

Make Needlework Finger-Friendly

Apply these smart tricks to solve your crocheting or knitting woes:

http://www.arthritistoday.org/what-you-can-do/everyday-solutions/do-it-easier/leisure-and-hobbies/arthritis-needlework.php

Here is the beginning of # 5 Rags to Riches crocheted throw using my yarn stash:

Want to mention my favorite yarns "#Simply Soft" by #Caron...It is soft and a medium weight yarn that mixes well with furry, bobbled and any unique yarn you may have in your stash.  Here are some links for buying Caron yarn on-line:

http://www.herrschners.com/product/Caron+Simply+Soft+Yarn+2.aspx

http://www.michaels.com/yarn/basic/809187840

http://www.amazon.com/s?rh=n%3A262625011%2Cp_4%3ACaron+International

 

 

PILL BAGS

My best friend, Phyllis and I were laughing during her visit here from Seattle about all the pills we take.  We both pull out our "Pill Bags", which we were each  carrying around multiple bottles of pills in gallon-sized Ziplock bags and began laughing uncontrollably (which we tend to do when we are together) !  So we decided to create a cute bag for crappy pills! 

And, of course, I have a stash of fabric, buttons and ribbon,  along with my yarn stash, SO we begin sewing and embellishing until we came up with our creations!!!!   So all of you RA patients, brighten up your every-day pill-taking drudgery with your leftover materials and get busy !

Pill Bag by: Johnel

Lining of Pill Bag by: Johnel

back of Pill Bag by: Johnel

 Pill Bag by: Phyllis

Back of Pill Bag by: Phyllis

Best Friends

There is nothing better than laughing away your woes with a good friend.  My best friend and I live so far away from each other now, it's hard to get together.    But when we do, it's like we've never been apart.  We have known each other for more than 40 years and have shared our best memories and our worst.  There is not much we don't know about each other and if there is, we just forgot to tell each other.  We can vent to our heart's content and laugh at our mistakes and our hardships we have faced over the years.   No judgments are made.  

We can spill our hearts out and come out feeling better no matter the plight.  I am truly grateful for my best friend !

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" ...Truvy

 

Crocheted Button Loop

 

My favorite crochet hooks...are so comfortable and easier to use for #RA crocheters:  #Clover Reflections Crochet Hooks and here's a link to the set I have, but they show no longer available:

There are two sets available and they come in a convenient Lucite case, three hooks in each case.

http://www.amazon.com/Clover-Reflections-Crochet-Hook-Small/dp/B000WURGAK/ref=sr_1_7?s=arts-crafts&ie=UTF8&qid=1404248983&sr=1-7&keywords=clover+crochet+hooks+set

I'm sure this set of #Clover Crochet Hooks will be a good alternative:

http://www.amazon.com/Clover-3672-Amour-Crochet-sizes/dp/B00B2CCA6W/ref=pd_sim_ac_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=1PHZDS6NJPTP74V9EDCN

 I have tried numerous brands and these are the winners..lightweight, ergonomically styled and slide easily through your work.  Although, during my research, I have discovered they are very hard to find now.

Heat VS. Cold for Rheumatod Arthritis...

Heat vs. Ice

From WEBMD

http://www.webmd.com/arthritis/heat-and-cold-therapy-for-arthritis-pain

ALWAYS CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR, BUT THE FOLLOWING POSTS AND WEBSITES ARE ALSO HELPFUL

Some more helpful information provided by #Everyday Health:

http://www.everydayhealth.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/hot-and-cold-therapy.aspx

Cold Therapy for Rheumatoid Arthritis

If your joints are inflamed, it makes sense that something cold could ease the inflammation and thus the pain. The main benefits of cold therapy are reducing inflammation, swelling, and soreness, as well as temporarily relieving joint pain caused by an arthritis flare.
Like heat therapy, cold therapy comes in several forms. Cold packs that you place directly on an aching joint include everything from the minimalist — bags of frozen peas or gel packs found at the drugstore — to complete systems of coolers, cooling pads, and devices shaped to certain parts of the body, including the knees and back.
Another simple method of cooling the joints is a cool-water soak in a tub — just don't let the water get so cold that you become chilled. And there are widely available over-the-counter cold sprays and ointments, such as Bio Freeze or CryoDerm, that relieve inflammation by numbing the nerves.
One word of caution about cold therapy: If you have Raynaud's syndrome, a condition in which small blood vessels in the fingers or toes constrict when exposed to cold, you probably should not use cold therapy on the affected part of your body. Of course, you should always consult your doctor or physical therapist before trying heat or cold therapy for rheumatoid arthritis.
Follow these guidelines for safely using hot and cold therapy for rheumatoid arthritis:

Tips on Using Heat Therapy for RA

• Use safe heat sources, including hot towels, hot tubs, showers or baths, hot water bottles, microwaveable hot pads, and electric heating pads.
• To prevent burns, do not use heat for excessive lengths of time (follow manufacturers' guidelines).
• When using heating pads or hot water bottles, place a towel or cloth between the heating pad or hot water bottle and your skin.
• Be careful to check your skin for redness often while applying heat and remove the heat source if redness occurs.
• Follow all manufacturers' instructions when using a paraffin bath device.

Tips on Using Cold Therapy for RA

• Use a bag of frozen peas, wrap ice in a thin towel, or use commercially available cold gel packs for cold therapy.
• Avoid applying ice or cold packs directly to the skin — use a towel or cloth between the cold device and the skin.
• To avoid frostbite, do not apply cold for more than 15 minutes at a time.
• Allow your skin to return to normal temperature and color before using cold again.

If you're using one of these hot or cold methods and it doesn't bring relief, or it seems to make your rheumatoid arthritis symptoms worse, talk to your doctor.

More questions about Rheumatoid Arthritis answered by #Mayo Clinic:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rheumatoid-arthritis/basics/definition/con-20014868

MORE FROM #The Arthritis Foundation

http://www.arthritistoday.org/arthritis-treatment/natural-and-alternative-treatments/remedies-and-therapies/heat-cold-for-pain-relief.php

#Support Groups for #RA are a bad idea?...#Crochet for your health !

Link: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mommy-mental-health/201208/when-support-groups-are-bad-idea



Just a link to an article I found interesting:

http://www.creakyjoints.org/blogs/ra-academe/who-has-ra-worst



I recently joined a couple of Facebook groups made up of people with #Rheumatoid Arthritis because I thought it would be good for me.   I thought it would help me get through the day with people who understood this disease. Some posts are nice and refreshing, but I need to "weed out" the ones that are so disturbing to me.  Remember what works for some people doesn't work for the majority.

But I have noticed that I am more depressed because I am reading more and more and people are sharing more and more.   What's up with this feeling?   I am beginning to think I am one of those people who doesn't need to be in a support group…how can that be?  According to "#Psychology Today", I need to shop around and not feel bad that the group I chose wasn't a "fit" for me.

Also these groups I joined were "on-line" groups and people from all over wanting information, grasping for relief, complaining about doctors, praising doctors and this is all so very depressing (but needed) so it is truly hard to break off from the groups.  When you are also dealing with ISOLATION, like I am, POSITIVE thoughts and posts are needed.

http://rheumatoidarthritissupport.blogspot.com/2009/03/those-unpredictable-ra-flares.html

Moving to a new town two years ago was a good idea.  But the more I isolate myself the worse I withdraw from everything.  Let's face it not having any friends where you live is isolating enough.  I love to crochet and have visited the local yarn shop and they were very nice.  So why haven't I gone back to just hang out?  

Well, if you plan an activity, like going to the yarn shop, for tomorrow, you never know how you will feel the next morning.   If you feel well, then go, but if you don't, you can't even try to go.  So that makes you not want to plan the activity the next time.   We all know how frustrating this can be, not only for yourself, but others involved.

I tried to locate a #support group in my area and haven't found one.  I think it would nice to form a group that is small, people have same interests and hobbies to they could meet, have coffee, bring their craft and socialize and not dwell on the negative aspects of this disease.

I know we all need an outlet to discuss the disease, but I believe we need more than that.  We need to be positive, laugh and enjoy each other as well.

 Don't get me wrong, support groups are great and you always love hearing a good report, but when we sit and read about all the disasters it really brings you down.    Everyone is trying to cope with this disease, everyone needs family and friend support, everyone needs a good doctor, everyone ALSO needs positive days too.  

Everyone has "flares" which are awfully painful but I find mine are most often brought on by stress.  You have to admit only reading and "googling" every aspect of this disease can only bring you down.  Give yourself a break and search for the good.   If you are going to read all the negatives every day, when you are finished, read SOMETHING POSITIVE and end on a good note.   It helps !

 

One of the most important things I find is having a hobby.  If you truly have a lot of time on your hands, #Crochet a #Bus !!!

Check out this link:

http://yarnobsession.com/health-benefits-of-crochet/

  Just discovered this on Google:  Kathryn Vercillo is the author of Crochet Saved My Life

http://www.crochetsavedmylife.com/

Cannot wait to read and learn more on this subject.  Will update later.

Johnel's photo

SLOW DOWN...Don't get all upset and feel like I am bashing Support Groups, I'm just saying we need to have positive reactions in our day-to-day lives.   Read what you need, but leave the rest behind and end your daily reading on a positive note !